Working my way out of darkness

Just when I think I had things under control a whole new wave of misunderstanding and confusion hit. And I know I’ve made all of my blog posts about my mental struggle/internal struggle so far but it’s the best thing that I know how to write about at this point. It seems like the struggle is overtaking my life. even though I am in my as I said in my last post, delusional era, it’s not right away that you can sit into your delusions there is still that sense of reality lurking in the background of my mind telling me that if we keep ignoring our problems and making ourselves believe that everything is OK everything will surely fall apart in the end. And I’m trying to get over that process of thinking and sink into the delusions of a perfect life or near perfect life. Which will in turn maybe hopefully get me to a place mentally where I can physically deal with the outside world without completely crumbling when it comes to hardships in my life.

 

I don’t want this block to be all about my life just going downhill or taking the wrong turn. I’m gonna try to make this take a positive turn with the next post or even this post. I’ll talk about what my plans are for the future instead of all the failures I’ve had in the past. They say you have to speak what you desire into existence and lately I feel like I’ve been speaking nothing but negativity into my life even though I’ve had some rough things happened to me over the past few months my outlook has remained the same and I’ve been focusing on the same things which is all the bad.

 

Since my Situationship break up a month or two ago I’ve been really lost. I thought I was happy and ready to take on this next new year(2022) .by the end of it  though I feel like I’m back at where I started in 2021 or even 2020 lost not knowing who I am. I’m trying to regain that feeling that I had a year or two ago or even three years ago when I first started going to college here. I think I let myself settle into a life of being a hermit and shutting off from people after my break up freshman year, so much that I didn’t even realize it until it was too late now it feels like it’s impossible to make real connections that aren’t sexual or romantic.

 

This next chapter though is going to be different. I’m going to put the romance off to the side and focus on my true happiness without having to have somebody longing for me 24-seven. Yes, I may still have romantic situation-ships from time to time but I’m no longer putting genuine energy into that side of my life. I want to connect with people on a level that is far past physical. I want to be able to build with a support group that I never was able to build or put the effort into building the first three years that I was up here or even the last year I was in high school.

 

I’m going to also give myself grace I know I want to achieve big things in my life but I have been rushing myself to no end. I am an instant satisfaction type of person so if my life seems to veer off in any disappointing direction then it feels like my world is ending. I.truly want to get out of that mindset. I am consciously fighting that train of thought. And like I said in my last post I’m in my delusional era as of currently. Which means that yeah some Bad or even messed up stuff it’s gonna happen in life but it’s my choice to be proactive or reactive and each situation. If in a situation I can’t figure out the best route for me right then and there I will take some time off I won’t rush myself anymore perfection does take time even though that’s not what I’m really going for I want to be damn near close in my own way of course.

 

In the end my life is only as perfect as my outlook on it. is because after I’m dead nothing else will matter, not saying that I want that anytime soon but I’m tired of focusing on the tangible world I want to connect spiritually with myself in this physical realm. I want my mind and my body to be equal, well maybe I want my mind a little stronger, and I know that sounds kinda hippy but hey whatever Road I gotta take to have peace of mind I’m on it!

What a crazy week..

This whole week has been a mess. I planned on pulling a Christmas with the Cranks and skipping Thanksgiving to go to Mexico with my mom instead, but sadly that didn’t happen. I foolishly believed I could order my passport two weeks before the Thanksgiving holidays and get it on time.

My passport was expired but my mom’s wasn’t. I really thought I could get the passport in just a few weeks during the holidays, the peak time that everyone is ordering their passports. Well I ended up spending money on the plane for nothing.

The day I was supposed to leave came and no passport arrived. I called and couldn’t get my money back, so that was a bummer.I was pretty depressed because I had already planned out all the places I would be going with my aunt and eating tamales and agues frescas at the mercados. In the end, I had to call the rest of my family and tell them I was going to celebrate thanksgiving with them after all. My mom decided to stay behind because she didn’t want to leave without me.

Thanksgiving day came and I was in charge of making the mashed potatoes. That’s pretty simple, so I decided besides that I would be making a salad too. The problem was that I did not have preparing any dishes planned for Thanksgiving since I was planning to be there, so I did not have any ingredients to make the mashed potatoes or my salad. When I decided I was going to stay and celebrate Thanksgiving after all, so I had gone on Wednesday night to go to HEB and get ingredients for my dishes. If it was up to me, I would have gotten the ingredients since the weekend before because I hate to be that person that goes to the store on Thanksgiving day and am the reason the employees don’t have their day off, and also I like to avoid crowds, but I had no choice since I was staying now and I had to bring my share of the food, so I went to HEB. I headed over there I tried to find parking for about twenty minutes because all the parking spaces were taken. There was a lot of other people like me doing last minute shopping. When I finally did go inside to the store, several items were missing there, luckily there was potatoes, so I grabbed a bag of potatoes and some milk and butter. I also got the ingredients to make my famous salad. It is made up of chicken, spinach, avocado, almonds, cranberry, strawberries, and cucumber. It is delicious and never disappoints.

I bought my ingredients and left the store. When I got home, I started preparing the mashed potatoes. My entire family was already here. My sisters and brother in laws and my nieces and nephews, my mom and  my aunt Rachel that lives in the states came with my cousin Joey and his wife Valerie and their kids. It was a full house. Everyone was busy preparing their own foods or helping cut vegetables. I peeled the potatoes and boiled and putting the finishing touches my side dish for the thanksgiving dinner. It took me a while to do everything since we were short on time as well . It was so good. My mom and my sister Lydia had done a taste test and approved. I was just about to move on to making the salad when from the corner of my eye I saw my sister Anna messing around with the potatoes. “What are you doing?” I yelled. She was pouring lactose free milk she had brought on to the potatoes. “I just want them to be creamier. I know what I am doing”. But she didn’t know what she was doing. I tasted the potatoes and they were ruined. They tasted sour. I spit them out .I made my salad but my mood was ruined. When it came time to sit down and all of us to eat, I made sure to tell everyone before tasting the potatoes that the taste was not my fault and that it was Anna that had ruined them. As expected, everyone made a face when they took their first bite of the potatoes. My nieces and nephews did not even touch theirs. The mashed potatoes are usually the best part of the meal and my sister had completely ruined that.

Anyways thankfully there was a lot of other delicious foods, and we had three different cakes and three pies for everyone to choose from, so the potatoes were soon forgotten. My salad was a hit and everyone asked for seconds, so at least I had that to be proud of that. Things didn’t turn out how I expected, but I had nice Thanksgiving. I have learned my lesson to not order my passport late and to order months in advance. Luckily once the passport arrives, I won’t have to worry about that for another ten years.

My Dog Shiloh

In March 2020, I adopted my German Shepherd, Shiloh. It was my first time raising a puppy and was definitely a challenge. The biggest thing I dealt with with Shiloh was when he was diagnosed with an esophagus disorder. Shiloh lives with congenital megaesophagus, a condition that’s very common in his breed.

Like most people, we had no knowledge of such medical condition, so the following weeks after numerous vet visits, our days contained endless research to better understand CM and how to treat it. The period after diagnosis was grueling, long nights of having to clean up regurgitation, watching his every move to ensure his symptoms were stable, and having to find a feeding routine that he could keep down.

Quite honestly, there were moments of thinking to find a new home for him, the stress and bills were piling up on us, this along with the recent death of my grandma were taking a heavy toll. However, we just couldn’t bring ourselves to do it because we just knew we couldn’t give up on him, he was already a huge part of our family, so we kept going.

For the following months, it was hit or miss as we continued finding a routine for him. What snacks he could eat, how to give him his meals, how high to put his water bowl, etc etc. Then came a dark moment in our lives, where Shiloh became extremely sick to the point where he couldn’t stand and had a high fever. You see, with CM there’s a possibility of food and water accumulating in his esophagus that can proceed into his lungs and cause aspiration pneumonia, the common cause of death in dogs with his condition. To this day, we thank god that he came out alright after some injections, medications, and plenty of rest, bouncing back the next day.

I will say, our vet wasn’t the best at comforting us, telling us that we would have to prepare ourselves as “he may not live the full life expectancy of a German Shepherd”–thank you so much for your comforting words, doc! Nonetheless, I think Shiloh, being the stubborn dog that he is, wanted to prove that vet that he wouldn’t allow anything to stop him for being a pup. Now, Shiloh is almost three and no one would ever be able to tell he lives with a disorder.

As time has passed, we’ve been able to maintain Shiloh’s CM. He loves running, playing with dogs of all sizes, chase, and especially his car rides. Nothing ever stifles a dog from being a puppy, whatever condition or age they are.

We still have days and nights of having to clean up after him and keeping an eye on his symptoms. It’s never perfect, but it’s something that we are able to get through in order to ensure his health and safety. We also must remind ourselves that, although we have a trying time with this, Shiloh is the one that has to deal with this physically, emotionally, and mentally.

As I’ve said, it was difficult learning about megaesophagus as we had to look at multiple websites and piece them together when Shiloh was initially diagnosed. However, since then, there’s more social media accounts and websites popping up of dogs living with the condition. A blog I recently found was even created by a vet that found herself the owner of her second dog with megaesophagus and she’s been giving out information and tips for free through her website in the process of her day to day with her own pups!

Shiloh doesn’t allow CM to affect his life, he still plays and gets into trouble all the same. He teaches us, and those who know him, that nothing should ever stop you from living life as you can; sure it can halt it, but never let it stop it.

Shiloh is my best bud. I love him more than I think I’ve ever loved anything. He is truly a blessing in my life, especially after such a short time of losing the matriarch of my family. Although the first year with him was very rough, what with behavioral issues and a medical condition, he’s come a long way and although I’m still working on some things and I’m so proud of him.

With the past almost three years, the family and I have faced many difficulties and hard points. Even with the bad days, he’s helped us through all of it and made it easier to get through the day. He’s what I look forward to coming home to every day and what I love to see in the morning and going to bed.

Pets have a special place in our hearts and  I hope we are granted a long, long time with him.

Senior Year

It is officially my senior year of college and even typing that phrase sounds crazy. I know that everyone always says ‘time flies’ but it truly does, and I hadn’t really realized it until now that it’s almost over.

When I first decided to apply to college, I was absolutely terrified because no one in my family had ever done it. Soon enough came my acceptance letters from different colleges. At the time I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go or even how far I wanted to go, but then I took a tour of Texas State’s campus and I instantly fell in love with the environment and the people here. There was no changing my mind after that, so in the fall I happily moved into the San Marcos Hall dorm rooms.

Moving into the dorms was the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me. I had a random roommate that I had met once before at orientation (who honestly was not the best but thankfully we made it through) and other than that I did not know anyone else who ended up at Texas State. Because I didn’t know anyone, I decided to go through sorority recruitment and although I met some amazing people through rush, I quickly found out it was not for me.

Luckily the dorm hall is where I found my best friends. I lived on the second floor in room 227 and it was magical. Right down the hall lived Laci, Rachel, and Reagan who became my best friends. I also lived right across the hall from a guy named chase, who was best friends with girls named Michelle and Emily. Still to this day we are all the best of friends.

Sophomore year is an absolute blur at this point. Laci, Rachel, Reagan, and I all moved into a house at hillside ranch together that quickly became the party house. We had epic house parties for very occasion. We had football watch parties, birthday ragers, Halloween parties, and my personal favorite our New Year’s Eve party. The NYE party was so insane that we actually broke our granite countertop, which was not great, but the party was awesome, so in the end it was all worth it.

Junior year we left the fever dream hillside party house and Rachel, Reagan, Michelle, and I all moved into the Lyndon. Laci decided to go through sorority recruitment and ended up living in the ZTA house, but we’re all still close.

Moving into the Lyndon was one of the best decisions any of us made. I’m not sure if it was junior year or the Lyndon that taught us the most, but I am so grateful for the people I met that year. After a few weeks of moving in I met a guy who changed my world for the eight months he was in it. Although it obviously didn’t work out, and for good reason, I learned a lot about myself going through that relationship and coming out on the other side.

Coming out of that relationship starts my senior year. Michelle, Reagan, and I all decided to stay in the same apartment while Rachel moved in with her boyfriend just down the hall from us. Our friend Audrey, who was actually our neighbor when we lived at Hillside, then moved into Rachel’s room and having her live with us has been great.

We all do so many fun things together like shopping, Wurst fest, squaring, and our favorite is going to Patio Dolcetto on Tuesday nights to play bingo and drink a glass of wine.

These last three years have been the absolute best, even with the ups and downs I would not change it for the world but knowing that I only have two semesters left here at Texas State is kind of scary. Coming to Texas State University was so scary but the thought of leaving is even scarier. College is almost like a false reality; we all get to party and live in a bubble, but the real world is not like that. The real world is full of real-life responsibilities not just schoolwork.

To this day I have no idea what I want to do but I’m hoping that by the time I graduate I will. Even if I don’t know what I’m going to do after college, I gained so much more than just a degree. I have learned so many life lessons, gained so many friends, and had so many fun adventures that I will remember for the rest of my life.

Texas State University has been a dream and even though I am scared of going out into the real world, I am ready to move on and live my life away from San Marcos.

Best and Worst Games so far this Football Season

My previous two posts have been a reflection on the most disappointing N-F-L teams and the most surprising N-F-L teams this season but with this post, I am taking a different approach. For this post, I will be giving my take on the best games this N-F-L season and the worst games this N-F-L season.

Let’s first start off with the worst games this N-F-L season and to start things off, let’s go into the week one matchup between the Indianapolis Colts and the Houston Texans. The reason why this matchup makes the list is due to the fact that it resulted in a tie and nobody won. Everyone that is a fan of the N-F-L or watches the N-F-L hates it when any game ends in a tie especially when both teams had ample opportunities to win the game. Even when you look back at this game, the Texans had complete control of this game having at one point at 20-to-3 lead entering the final quarter of action but they blew it and allowed the Colts to comeback and tie the game. The Colts even throughout this game lead the Texans in every stat during this game, whether it was total yards, passing yards, and rushing yards but somehow ended up only tying the game instead of winning a game that was easily winnable.

The next worst game that I want to include is quite possibly, one of the worst games in N-F-L history. That game that I will be discussing is the week five matchup between the Indianapolis Colts and the Denver Broncos. The final score for this possible worst game in N-F-L history was 12-9 with the Colts winning the game. This game was so bad, that not even a single touchdown was scored by either offenses. The only points that were scored in this game were scored by both field goal kickers respectfully. The game was also so bad that Broncos where leaving the game just before the overtime period began and to be honest with you, I have never in all of my years watching football have ever seen fans leave a game before an extra period of football was being played but that happened during this game. The only real bright spot that this game really had was showing how good both of these defenses where in shutting down Matt Ryan for the Colts and Russell Wilson for the Broncos.

Now that we have discussed the wort games this N-F-L season, let’s move into some of the best games that have occurred this N-F-L season. To start off with the best game that I saw this season has to be the week six matchup between the Buffalo Bills and the Kansas City Chiefs. You look at the history of these two the last couple of years and it has been historic, especially in the playoffs when the Chiefs have eliminated the Bills in the playoffs for the last two consecutive years. This game featured back and forth dominate play by both quarterbacks Josh Allen for the Bills with three touchdowns and no interceptions and Patrick Mahomes with two touchdowns and two interceptions. While both offenses were tremendous during this game in Kansas City, the main difference was the Bills defense by interceptions Patrick Mahomes not once, but twice, the second interception winning the game for the Buffalo. The win for Buffalo has the potential to give them confidence whenever they play each other in January.

Now let’s discuss in my opinion, the greatest game so far this N-F-L season. The greatest game that has occurred this year has to be the week ten matchup between the Minnesota Vikings and the Buffalo Bills. This game had it all, whether it was clutch defensive stops, great quarterback play, and fantastic catches. This was a game that had a lot of marbles on the line. For Minnesota, this was a game right here to where they can prove that there 7 and 1 record is legit and for Buffalo, this a game to where they can keep pace with Kansas City for being the best team in AFC. The game ended up going into overtime with the Minnesota Vikings, pulling off the upset and beating the Bills in overtime coming back from down 27-to-10 to winning 33-to-30 in overtime making this win probably one of the biggest win in Vikings history. Also if you haven’t already, check out the Justin Jefferson fourth and eighteen catch, it will be the greatest catch that you will ever see.

Overall, this N-F-L season has had a lot of twist and turns. Whether it is certain N-F-L teams exceeding expectations or falling below expectations, or witnessing some of the N-F-L’s greatest games like the ones above and witnessing some of the worst games this N-F-L season as listed above. This N-F-L season has been one for the ages and will continue to get better, especially during the playoffs in January.

Three Hour, One Tank Enduro

My last blog post was about a race on the simulator using iRacing which was a 3 hour team race. Funnily enough, the weekend after that race which myself and Jason finished 4th out of 37 people in the top split, I had the chance to run an endurance race at the track where I work, Harris Hill Raceway.

Harris Hill Raceway hosts a race called “Three Hour, One Tank Enduro”. This race is three hours long, and you have to finish in one tank of gas. I decided the day before to run this race. I drove my 2011 Hyundai Sonata, and had a good strategy planned out. The day of the race, I woke up early, filled my tank up with gas, and headed to the track. Once I got there, I checked in with Philip, who was running timing, and put a transponder in my car to be able to track the laps.

This race started 12 cars. There was a Porsche GT4, a couple Miata’s, and a Tesla even attempted it.

Because we run the track on both directions at Harris Hill, we started off the first hour and a half going counter clockwise, to a 5 minute break/ driver change, then the last hour and a half going clockwise.

The start of the race was a lot of fun. My strategy was to drive like I was driving in the highway, starting off a bit slow and slowly improving the lap times, not even putting the car in manual mode and shifting gears, just letting it do automatically. It was a lot of fun because the pack was all together, which made up for some good battles on track. Myself and a Miata were going back and forth overtaking each other and I had a lot of fun. I was keeping up with the timing on my phone, but unfortunately, my phone died for the second stint.

When the first hour and a half was done, I came into the pit lane, and immediately ran up the hill to go to the bathroom. I was the first person to see the checkered flag which gave me a little bit of extra time compared to everyone else to go use the bathroom, since the 5 minute break mark started as soon as the first car (me) went into the pit lane. I completed 45 laps in this first stint.

By this point, I had more than half a tank of fuel left and knew I could push for this second half. Two cars had already fallen out (one of them being the Tesla, duh) So I was just happy I wasn’t running in last place.

The beginning of the second half, I came out really strong. Know I was shifting gears and pushing my car to its limit, but I was cautions and would do a cool down lap every now and then to save fuel and to make sure I made it to the end. I always kept in mind that it’s a long race and to finish first, you first have to finish.

There was a point during the second half of the race where I didn’t see anyone in front of me, or behind me. I knew the checkered flag hadn’t been shown yet so I figured people were falling off. I got to the top of turn 4, which is up on a hill, and as I came down, I looked around the track to see where everyone else was at. I only saw 6 cars left on track and knew I had a chance to do well.

During this last stint, my worst lap was a 1:45:439 and I did the best lap I had ever done with the Sonata on the track at a 1:42.089. I saw my friend Rachel had came by to watch me race, and caught her out of the corner of my eye while I was passing by the start/finish line, which made go a bit quicker and pull off some nice overtakes for her to see.

After the race was over, I didn’t know what position I had finished in, but I was happy to have finished the race. During the awards ceremony, I was surprised to hear Courtney (the COO of the track) say that I had completed 95 laps, 4 laps behind the leader, which was the Porsche GT4 and I had finished in second place.

It was an awesome time, and I had some great racing with people I knew. After the event, Harris Hill hosted the annual downhill derby, where members build downhill racer cars, and we taken them down from the top of turn 4. Rachel and myself went on to go down on a bunch of different downhill derby cars, this was my favorite one.

 

Game of Thrones final season: Unwarranted Hate

New Poster for GAME OF THRONES Season 8 Features a Dragon Iron Throne —  GeekTyrant

I imagine yall are tired of hearing me talk about Game of Thrones, but it’s consumed my life for the past four months and it’s the only thing I want to talk about. In my last post, I talked about the first six seasons of Game of Thrones and how great of a television show it is. I ended it by talking about how the fans were really dissatisfied with the final season, especially the eighth and final one.  The consensus is that it felt very rushed, some characters stopped acting like themselves, and the way the story ended wasn’t very satisfying. While I have my own complaints about the final season and believe it could have ended better, I personally don’t understand the pure hatred for the finale. So I wanted to go back to some of the things I emphasized in my last post, like the world-building, characters, and finales, and talk about how I felt the finale handled these parts of the show that I think are its best attributes.

The Worldbuilding

I talked last time about the world-building in Game of Thrones. The show has a wide range of characters all living in different regions of the Seven Kindoms, allowing for the viewer to see how the world of Westeros operates. With so many character’s storielines to follow, the show is usually juggling 9 or 10 plot lines per seaons, jumping between them giving every character time to shine and develop. With all these stroylines, it allows for slow progression of development among the characters, however during the final two seasons plotlines begin tomerge and the story comes to a conlcusons, leaving the last season with two or three plot lines for the show to cover.

Prekuel Game Of Thrones Mulai Diproduksi April 2021 | Republika Online

This gives the show less to go over, requiring character and storylines to develop quicker than they did in previous seasons, making the last seasons feel very rushed. While this is a one of the big criticisms the fans had about the finale, I cant blame the show for rushing development since they dont have as many characters and storylines to cover, since most of the characters have either died or teamed up and most sortliens have concluded and a mority of the characters are working towards the same goal.

The Characters

The characters of Game of Thrones carry the show. There are so many great and interesting characters for the fans to fall in love with, and I think it’s because of how consistently the characters are written. You have your morally righteous character who will always do the right thing, the diabolical and heatless villains that put themselves before anyone, and the morally grey characters that the viewers have a hard time reading. Either way, whenever these characters are thrown into a situation, their decision-making and reactions always match their character, making the characters not predictable, but consistent. And that’s one of my favorite parts of the show, how well the characters are written, but sadly, I feel like that’s where the writers dropped the ball during the last season when it comes to character development. Some of the best-written and most complex characters make completely irrational decisions that in earlier seasons they would never make.

Game of Thrones" Handled Its Jon Snow Cliffhanger Perfectly | Time

Take John Snow for example, in a world full of crooks and liars, John Snow consistently is the most righteous character in the show, giving the viewers someone to root for. He’s willing to die for what he believes in and in very dedicated to his roots in the North. However, in the final season, John Snow goes from learning that he has to put aside his pride for the greater good, to immediately not being able to align himself with another house because of his pride. He spent the entire sixth season fighting for his house in the North, just to forget about them and shrill out to his new love interest in the last season. It’s hard to root for the good guy when his character gets completely turned upside down.

The Finales

My favorite episodes of the show have always been the finale of each season.  They really break the status quo and the way the show is heading every season whether that’s with a world-defining battle or a big character death. Then having to watch the rest of the characters deal with the effects of the finale is always interesting to watch. But sadly I knew the show’s finale was going to miss the mark of quality that the other seasons had. However, after watching it, I’m satisfied with the way it ended.  The final episodes end in a lot of battling and bloodshed, leaving a lot of the main characters dead and the rest very emotionally wounded.

Game of Thrones' finale recap: No one's very happy - Los Angeles Times

So the conclusion of the show was very bittersweet, and not the epic ending the rest of the season had however I can’t think of a better ending. I wasn’t a fan of the show during its prime when all the episodes were released weekly, but I can imagine the finale had a lot of hype behind it. So ending it bittersweet like that most likely left a lot of fans upset that it wasn’t as grand as they were expecting. While I do have many criticisms about how it ended, they feel very biased and personal and I don’t want to spoil how it ends.

It’s hard not to talk about the final season without coming across spoilers, but I tried my best not to talk about them because I’ve enjoyed my time watching Game of Thrones and I still believe this show is worth watching all the way through, even with the lackluster ending. I hope I was able to still get my points across.  Regardless of the fan’s reaction, I encourage you to watch Game of Thrones and make your own opinion about the ending because, before the final seasons, the majority of the show is still a masterpiece and stays as one of my favorite shows I’ve seen.

Martin Scorsese: a Breakdown

In the world of films and cinema, not one person is more important than the director. There are hundreds of directors throughout Hollywood, with huge names such as Christopher Nolan or Steven Spielberg. Being a big movie fan myself I have my personal favorites, but the one above all would be Martin Scorsese. The New York native is renowned as one of the greatest and most successful directors of all time. Scorsese has directed such world renowned and award winning movies such as “Taxi Driver” and “Goodfellas”. I personally love all of his movies and his directing style and so I wanted to do a little dive or breakdown into some of my favorite films of his, his background, and his techniques that set him apart from the bunch.

Martin Scorsese has been known for directing some of the best films ever. He is more of a slow burn movies, also most famously known for mobster movies with Goodfellas , Casino, The Irishmen, and The Departed all being centered around mob or mafia relations. Fans and critics alike sure love his directing as much as I do , Scorsese is a 2 time Academy award winner and 6 time nominee.

Scorsese has such an extensive and quality filmography under his belt, ranging from hits from the 70’s to the Irishman in 2019. Even though he’s produced some classic movies such as The Departed, Shutter Island, or Wolf of Wall Street, I would have to say that my two favorite Scorsese films would have to be Goodfellas and Taxi Driver, Goodfellas being my favorite movie of all time. These movies are somewhat similar but Taxi Driver is much more  slow burn phycological conversation piece about a taxi driver who suffers from insomnia , while Goodfellas is a narrated story about the Italian Mafia from the 50-80’s, revolving around infamous gangster Henry Hill. The one thing these films have in common are that I think that they are the most Scorsese-esque of all the Scorsese films. Scorsese is known for his use of slow motion and freeze frame to convey emotions and enhance scenes.

Sunshine of Your Love in GOODFELLAS | Reading Subject – Sound in Film

In Goodfellas, there is a scene that displays this masterfully, without describing this entire movie ill give a little bit go context. Robert De Niro’s character Jimmy Conway, is the leader of the gang that pulled off the biggest heist in US history at this point in time. The scene takes place in the bar after the heist has taken place and all the members have gotten their money. Jimmy gave the gang strict orders to be conservative with their money as not to draw attention to them and get them investigated by the IRS or the FBI. In the scene we see all the gang members pull up in extravagant new cars and fur coats, as the scene progresses Jimmy gets more and more frustrated, until one last gang member pulls up In a pink Cadillac he bought for his wife. This is the breaking point, we cut to Jimmy smoking a cigarette at the bar looking at the gang, the scene goes into slow motion and “sunshine of your love” starts to play. This is the catalyst for what will eventually be the falling apart of the gang. Jimmy kills everyone so that there is no loose ends left. This slow motion pan out and the look in De Niro’s eyes PERFECTLY captures the intenseness and gravity of the scene. It’s Scorsese’s iconic slow motion that gives this scene its weight , without it I think that this scene falls flat and fails to convey anywhere near the amount of pressure and intensity that Scorsese pulls off.

Spirit Desire — Taxi Driver (1976)

Another perfect example of this is in Taxi Driver. The main character, Travis Bickle who is a mentally ill cab driver in New York, lays in bed narrating his journal that he has written in. He saw this woman in the streets of NYC, he describes as “like and angel she appeared out of this filthy mess”. He hates the city and thinks its full of filth, but after seeing this woman he becomes obsessed with her and begins to fantasize about her, seeing her as hope in the dirty city. As he describes this woman footage of her walking into her place of work plays, in slow motion as Travis says ” They Cannot Touch her” in a sort of yelling manner, he has become so attached that he feels he must protect her from the filth of the city that he sees. The footage of her, in slow motion, plays and once again Scorsese has struck gold, this scene is a classic in film making, perfectly conveying Travis’s  decent into madness that continues throughout the movie.

Martin Scorsese has unbelievable film making abilities, ones way beyond just his iconic slow motion, but if I were to talk about all of his techniques and skills, we would be here all day. The Scorsese film legacy is one of great talent and classiness, one that I hold very dear and that I think is one of the best portfolios in all of film history. By using his techniques and skills Scorsese has become not just my favorite director, but a critically acclaimed and world renowned one.

 

Club Q: History Repeats Itself

2016 was a devastating year for the LGBTQ+ community. The infamous Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida swept the news after a massacre which left 49 dead and 53 wounded during pride month that year. Countless mourning sites had been placed for all the victims and protests around the world started because of the homophobic action that had been taken place that night. We live in a world that doesn’t fully accept the community, but as a gay man we as a community have begun to find our own safe spaces and know where we are safetest. Time has passed since, but no one who is a part of the community has forgotten about that night; what it caused, what it meant, and what it feels like to know that could’ve been anywhere. 

The Lives Lost or Changed Forever in the Pulse Nightclub Attack - The New York Times

Colorado has always been, for the most part, a generally accepting state because of the residents’ ideals. This past Saturday night, Club Q experienced another horrific and traumatizing night.  No one thought history would be repeating itself on this random November night.  22-year-old Anderson Lee Aldrich opened fire in the club. Customers dancing, bartenders, and other patrons of the club had heard shots fired but thought it was part of the music but soon realized it wasn’t what they originally thought. Everyone began to drop to the ground, run away, or hide behind anything they could. 

Evidence is marked by authorities outside Club Q in Colorado Springs on the morning after the shooting.

Richard Fierro, a 15-year veteran of the US Army, was in attendance that night of the shooting and heard the sounds of the gunshots and knew exactly what was happening. His first instinct was to protect his family, waited until the shooter turned to head towards the patio of the club, where many goers had run towards to escape the shooter. “’It’s the reflex. Go. Go to the fire. Stop the action. Stop the activity. Don’t let no-one get hurt.’” Fiero said in an interview. The veteran was able to stop the shooter once he had turned around. He dragged him to the ground by his vest, and knocked the rifle out of his hand and took the sidearm pistol Aldrich had on him, and began to beat him with it. 

Daniel Aston, Kelly Loving, Ashely Paugh, Derrick Rump and Raymond Green Vance

Club Q was lucky to have Fierro in the establishment that night, he probably saved so many lives, but unfortunately there were five deaths and 19 people who have been injured. We see so many people coming out and talking about their firsthand experience in the club. Barrett Hudson talked about being shot seven times and being lucky that “Seven bullets missed my spine, missed my liver, missed my colon. I got really, really lucky. I don’t know how I’m here.” Gil Rodriguez spoke about being there to see his friend deejay that night and how “I honestly thought it was the music until I smelled the actual gunpowder. 

 

No one would expect something like this to happen while they are out having fun and celebrating their own queerness. Six years after the horrific events that took place in Orlando, we’ve seen another attack against a community that has always existed and is thought to be gaining more acceptance as time progresses. 

Outright violence towards people simply existing and having fun in their own spaces is a really hard thing for me to grasp. We’ve created these places for ourselves; clubs, restaurants, districts in cities, and other places. These are meant to be safe havens for anyone who identifies in a way that is seen as “not normal,” a place where we don’t expect bad things to happen because it’s ours and it’s where we can be us fully. 

Pride Month: What to know about the LGBTQ celebration | CNN

Being gay and working in a gay club in small city where I personally have experienced homophobia, it’s become a real fear of mine that something like this could happen. I know it’s very unlikely, but I’m sure it is something that haunts not only me but quite a lot of employees or goers of these clubs and other safe spaces that the LGBTQ+ community has created for themselves. It’s important that people hear, absorb, and take what they’ve learned from these two shocking events and use it to help protect others and be more wary of what could happen. I hope something like this never happens again. And for those that were lost because of ignorance and foul thinking, thank you for being courageous enough to be honest to the world about who you are and to show the world who we as a community are. I hope you all “rest in power”.

What Films Can Teach Us: The Dangers of Misinformation

Grey’s Anatomy is the longest-running scripted primetime show currently airing on ABC. Even with this outstanding statistic I still am sad to admit that I have seen every episode and some more than once and because of this, I can say that it has definitely given me some misinformation. I started watching Grey’s Anatomy religiously in middle school with a group of my friends. I remember my friends and I always saying that we knew everything medical thing there was to know because we watched Grey’s Anatomy. For a while my friends and I were very confident that we could save someone’s life if it came down to it. It was upsetting to find out that the actors had no idea what they were talking about of even saying. While it is common knowledge that medical dramas are very inaccurate to how the actual medical system works, I still believed some things. It wasn’t until my older sister got into medical school did, I realize how unrealistic it was. After learning this it made me think about how Grey’s Anatomy is a great example of how media can spread misinformation to a plethora of people. In today’s article, I am going to delve into the harms of misinformation.

What is Misinformation?

Misinformation is described by the Oxford dictionary as “false or inaccurate information, especially that which is deliberately intended to deceive.” With the rise of technology, the spread of misinformation and “fake news” has spread tremendously. Many people don’t fact check when sharing something they saw online which contributes to the increase in the spread of misinformation. Although fictional shows do not count as misinformation the truth that many people take from it can be seen as misinformation.

Examples in Grey’s Anatomy.

Misinformation is clearly seen in the first episode of Grey’s Anatomy. The show starts with the main characters starting there their first day as surgical interns. I came to learn from a conversation with my sister that there is no such thing as a surgical intern. After medical students graduate, they immediately go into residency. This is an extreme example of misinformation because this is a fictional scripted show and shouldn’t be taken at face value, but it is a great example of how even fictional shows can manipulate our thoughts. The show itself even addresses this issue. It is known to many that there is a doctor-patient privilege when talking about doctors but there is also an attorney-client privilege when talking about lawyers. These are closely related and if you only know one it can be confusing. With attorney-client privilege, you can confess to a crime to your own lawyer and the lawyers cannot turn you in without your permission. However, the doctor-patient privilege does not include this. In this particular episode of Grey’s Anatomy, one of the patients revealed to the doctors that she committed a crime thinking that they could not turn her in. In the end, she got arrested. Another example of misinformation is Grey’s Anatomy is the roles of the doctors in the show. From what I have learned from the show doctors apparently do almost everything for their residents but in the real world that is simply not true. Surgeons usually will see the patient a few times before the surgery and then once or twice after the surgery, other than that the nurses do the rest. When I went to visit a family member in the hospital after a surgery, I was surprised to see the lack of doctors tending to him.

How can we stop it?

It is very important that we all do our part in stopping the spread of misinformation. The number one thing you can do is fact check. Before sharing something with someone online make sure that you find that the information is factually from a credible source. Then you can share it. If you cannot confirm or deny the information, it is best to not share or spread it. Fake checking can greatly dimmish the spread of misinformation. Another thing that is kind of obvious but do not intentionally create or spread misinformation.

Final Thoughts

From now on when I watch Grey’s Anatomy, I am going to be very cautious of the information that I gather from the show and be sure to question it during real life. Although Grey’s Anatomy isn’t meant for educational purposes, I think it shows how we as people need to be more aware of the media that we consume and make sure to question the information we see online. Fact checking is important to the continuation of education using online mediums. I however will still continue to watch Grey’s Anatomy until that show ends. What other kinds of lessons can we learn from television and film without knowing it?