Author: cwu1

In March 2020, I adopted my German Shepherd, Shiloh. It was my first time raising a puppy and was definitely a challenge. The biggest thing I dealt with with Shiloh was when he was diagnosed with an esophagus disorder. Shiloh lives with congenital megaesophagus, a condition that’s very common in his breed.

Like most people, we had no knowledge of such medical condition, so the following weeks after numerous vet visits, our days contained endless research to better understand CM and how to treat it. The period after diagnosis was grueling, long nights of having to clean up regurgitation, watching his every move to ensure his symptoms were stable, and having to find a feeding routine that he could keep down.

Quite honestly, there were moments of thinking to find a new home for him, the stress and bills were piling up on us, this along with the recent death of my grandma were taking a heavy toll. However, we just couldn’t bring ourselves to do it because we just knew we couldn’t give up on him, he was already a huge part of our family, so we kept going.

For the following months, it was hit or miss as we continued finding a routine for him. What snacks he could eat, how to give him his meals, how high to put his water bowl, etc etc. Then came a dark moment in our lives, where Shiloh became extremely sick to the point where he couldn’t stand and had a high fever. You see, with CM there’s a possibility of food and water accumulating in his esophagus that can proceed into his lungs and cause aspiration pneumonia, the common cause of death in dogs with his condition. To this day, we thank god that he came out alright after some injections, medications, and plenty of rest, bouncing back the next day.

I will say, our vet wasn’t the best at comforting us, telling us that we would have to prepare ourselves as “he may not live the full life expectancy of a German Shepherd”–thank you so much for your comforting words, doc! Nonetheless, I think Shiloh, being the stubborn dog that he is, wanted to prove that vet that he wouldn’t allow anything to stop him for being a pup. Now, Shiloh is almost three and no one would ever be able to tell he lives with a disorder.

As time has passed, we’ve been able to maintain Shiloh’s CM. He loves running, playing with dogs of all sizes, chase, and especially his car rides. Nothing ever stifles a dog from being a puppy, whatever condition or age they are.

We still have days and nights of having to clean up after him and keeping an eye on his symptoms. It’s never perfect, but it’s something that we are able to get through in order to ensure his health and safety. We also must remind ourselves that, although we have a trying time with this, Shiloh is the one that has to deal with this physically, emotionally, and mentally.

As I’ve said, it was difficult learning about megaesophagus as we had to look at multiple websites and piece them together when Shiloh was initially diagnosed. However, since then, there’s more social media accounts and websites popping up of dogs living with the condition. A blog I recently found was even created by a vet that found herself the owner of her second dog with megaesophagus and she’s been giving out information and tips for free through her website in the process of her day to day with her own pups!

Shiloh doesn’t allow CM to affect his life, he still plays and gets into trouble all the same. He teaches us, and those who know him, that nothing should ever stop you from living life as you can; sure it can halt it, but never let it stop it.

Shiloh is my best bud. I love him more than I think I’ve ever loved anything. He is truly a blessing in my life, especially after such a short time of losing the matriarch of my family. Although the first year with him was very rough, what with behavioral issues and a medical condition, he’s come a long way and although I’m still working on some things and I’m so proud of him.

With the past almost three years, the family and I have faced many difficulties and hard points. Even with the bad days, he’s helped us through all of it and made it easier to get through the day. He’s what I look forward to coming home to every day and what I love to see in the morning and going to bed.

Pets have a special place in our hearts and  I hope we are granted a long, long time with him.

Per my last post, I discussed being a queer person of color in the LGBTQ+ community.

Now, I asked fellow members what it’s like being a person of color in the LGBTQ+ community. These amazing people filled out a Google form for their answers to some questions. Here are some of their answers.

Introducing:

Hock, 24, identifies as non-binary and bisexual, and uses they/she/he pronouns. Hock is white, Black, and Korean, and from Austin.

Michelle, 31, identifies as a cisgender Tex-Mexican, MoC [Masculine of Center] Lesbian woman. She uses she/her/ella pronouns. Michelle was born in Mexico City, raised in North Dallas, and now lives in Austin.

Cody, 30, uses the pronouns he/him/his. He was born and raised in Texas and has lived in multiple cities within the state.

Qasim, 30, identifies as a pansexual Palestinian, and uses they/them pronouns. They are originally from Amman, Jordan, and now live in Austin.

Michael-Lee, 27, identifies as pansexual Hispanic, and uses the pronouns he/they.

Share a little about yourself.

Hock: I have two dogs and a cat, am single, and working at a cafe.

Michelle: I’m a registered nurse at a non-profit outpatient sexual health and wellness clinic. I’m married to my beautiful wife Cassidy who I met in nursing school and we’ve been together about 5 years now. We own a dog named Zori after a lesbian’s mom on the show The Real L Word because they both have blonde hair. I love listening to music, I can do it for hours at a time. I love to shuffle through genres, explore music from other countries, and watch music videos and artist interviews on youtube. I grew up in a one child household with my mom but I am technically a middle child. My dad had 3 daughters, one White, one Mexican, and one Chinese. I talk to both of my sisters occasionally, but I am closest to my younger sister who is 16. My parents moved to the US when I was about 4 years old and they divorced when I was 5. I grew up in North Dallas with my Mom who is Mexican. My dad is White. My mom speaks English and we primarily talk in English. I speak fluent like 8th grade Spanish but English is easier for me.

Cody: I’m engaged, but basically married. My partner and I have been together for 9 years and we have 2 cats (Janos and Maeve).

Qasim: single. petless. a tester at a walk in sti testing clinic. took up running recently, and am spending more time at home than before. i don’t make enough money at work to cultivate a rich social life.

Michael-Lee: I have a monogamous relationship with a partner of 6 months who uses the pronouns, he/they, and identifies as bisexual. I have one cat who I’ve had for almost 2 years, named Korra. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my brother, who is 2 years younger than me, who is currently in flight school. I currently am a supervisor at a local non-profit STI clinic. I work with outreach and the walk-in clinic that does free HIV/STI testing and treatment. I graduated from UTSA in 2017 and began working in the field in 2018, I love it!

At what age did you come out? How was growing up from then for you?

Hock: I started questioning my gender identity before I questioned my sexuality, but used the term bisexual before I used the term nonbinary. I was 21 when I came out as bisexual, and a few months after that I came out as nonbinary. It’s been wild coming to terms with these identities, as the closet door was pretty thick. Growing up, my family and extended family was pretty homophobic, and I internalized that homophobia and any queer thoughts as just my mind being weak. After I distanced myself from family, I dealt with more and more internalized homophobia, and while that battle isn’t completely over, I’m the most at peace with myself I’ve ever been.

Michelle: I think I came out sophomore year of college, around 2012. It’s all a blurr. Growing up from then has been painful but ultimately things got better.

Cody: I came out the night before I went to college. I grew up in a very conservative Catholic household. My parents were out late at a dinner party that night with some friends and they got home late that night. I remember telling myself “If they kick me out, I’ll just get a few hours of a head start for college in the morning.” My friend Michael, who was the only other gay person I knew at the time, and the only person who knew about me, came and waited in the alley outside my backyard just in case things went sour. I sat them down at the dining room table and remember pacing back and forth telling myself to just spit it out, so I did. My mom was pretty quick to respond saying that I couldn’t be gay because of what the people at church would say, but my dad just looked me dead in the eye and said, “Well, you’re still my son and I still love you.” My mom went off asking questions for a bit, questions I couldn’t answer at the time because I didn’t know much of anything. I just didn’t want to live a lie anymore…a few minutes later my little sister came out of her room (she had been eavesdropping the whole time) and was just really excited that we could talk about boys together now. For the first two years of me being “out” was only to my immediate family because my mom didn’t want anyone else to know back home, but I began living as my authentic self at college with anyone new that I met. My mom eventually came around too.

Qasim: was always out but not at home, at least not officially. i came out to my family about both my sexuality and gender identity at the same time and it didn’t go well. i’ve done a lot of growth since and looking forward to more of it.

Michael-Lee: I came out in 2011 when I was 16. I met my first boyfriend who was also 16. We fell deeply in love and decided we didn’t want to hide our relationship so we came out together. I received positive responses from both my family and friends. Life was much better for me after I came out. I never really faced any hard homophobia besides the occasional shouted slur from straight men while being out with my friends. For many years I struggled with fully accepting my feminity and facing my internalized toxic masculinity but moving to Austin in 2020 and meeting the friends I did truly changed that. I finally feel the happiest I have ever felt in my life and I’m so grateful to have the family and friends that I do have.

What do you love about being a POC in the queer community?

Michelle: I feel like the queer community is more empathetic and caring towards people of color, like towards Mexicans, than non-queer people are. I feel like being in the queer community can feel safer and a place to find comfort and compassion when talking about struggles or racism of POC experience compared to many non-queer spaces. I also love being a POC in the queer community to relate to other POCs in the queer community, I love being able to talk about my experiences and life in two languages.

Cody: I love the diversity that we bring to the table. All different ethnicities and cultures and sharing in that, without feeling ashamed of where we come from.

Michael-Lee: I love the sense of community between us. We can all share related experiences and kiki and slay together. I have many POC friends from all different backgrounds, Latino, Black, Korean, Vietnamese, Pakistani, Indian, you name it. It’s so nice to be able to share such different cultures and still be able to relate in the identity of being queer. I honestly have hardly any white friends, I find it hard to relate to them. Possibly I hold grudges for the way many white queer people treated me when I first came onto the gay scene, most likely from how brown my skin is.

What do you wish was different?

Hock: I wish that white gays would stop being so racist and hateful to people they aren’t attracted to. Even when they are attracted, I’ve heard some not-so-great fetishistic stuff from white gay people.

Michelle: A couple things I wish was different about the queer community in general is 1) I’ve heard men on Grindr and other dating apps are outwardly racist and transphobic, and its common for people to say hurtful things when describing what they want and don’t want to match with. I wish that was different. 2) (and this may be my own insecurity about being masc) but I feel like gay men are not often friends with masc or butch women. I feel like gay men are better friends with femme people including femme lesbians and I wish that was different. Something else I do wish was different just in general was that I wish people outside the queer community could see how much variation and difference there is between all people within the queer community, including race/ethnicity. I wish people did not stereotype so much and that the queer community’s humanity and individualism was understood more.

Cody: I wish there was less hate within the community. We’re a marginalized group as it is – we don’t need to be fighting against each other.

Qasim: so much. most, i wish we healed together as community more often, at larger scales, louder conversations.

Do you think you’ve had a different experience as a POC than a non-POC in the queer community? Why or why not?

Hock: Yes, absolutely. I’ve had to figure out how to translate my coming out message to my Korean Harmony [Konglish for grandmother], and dealt with so many language and cultural barriers in that process. That is simply not the same experience for white gays who come out. Also, dealing with fetishization and desirability politics in the alphabet mafia can make me feel like a piece of meat sometimes, or at other points like I don’t belong.

Michael-Lee: I definitely believe so. Because while having to deal with the discrimination and prejudice for being queer, you also have added discriminations and prejudices that come with being POC. The POC and non-POC queer community experience is completely different.

Have you ever been discriminated against as a POC in the community? How?

Hock: Yes, fetishistic things have been said about my eye shape (as a mixed Korean), amongst some other unsavory experiences.

Cody: Being called a beaner or wetback on Grindr [a gay dating app] when someone asks you if you speak Spanish, fun times. There’s plenty of other things, but you get the gist, right?

Michael-Lee: Plenty of micro-aggressions. Being followed around in stores. When I was 18 and officially out and fresh on the scene, I had a best friend originally born in Spain, who was completely white passing, being a twink with blonde hair, blue eyes. I was also twinky but very much brown latino, dark hair and eyes. It was very obvious the difference we received from the community, especially when I would visit him in Austin and we’d go out together. They’d ask him to preform in the “strip off” at Rain but wouldn’t even take a glance at me. White gays would come up and talk to him and completely ignore me or be passive aggressive towards me when I’d attempt to engage with them too.